Category: Superhero/cinematic universe film.
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I kinda got excited when I saw Morbius pop up in the "available now" section of the app for a local television station. Like, there was no way in hell I was ever going to pay to see it, but I simply had to jump on the chance to experience the cultural phenomenon for myself - and after having watched it, my final verdict is that Morbius isn't so much a movie as it is an exercise in patience.
The basic outline of Morbius is that Dr. Michael Morbius (played by Jared Leto) somehow lives into his adult years whilst being afflicted with a genetic disease that…causes him to walk with a limp? In his early years, he befriends another boy named Lucien (but for some reason gets called Milo, because of course) who somehow has the exact same condition and exact same limp.
Anyway, Dr. Morbius not only lives to be an adult, but eventually becomes the Elon Musk of medical research in the process and somehow thinks that vampire bats are the key to curing his limping disease because…vampire bats don't eat, they only consume blood to subsist. With that in mind, he splices his own genome with a vampire bat's which causes him to become a human with bat powers, in the same way Peter Parker became a human with spider powers.
But what is this? Oh no - Lucien…sorry, Milo (played by Matt Smith of Dr Who fame) stole Morbius' magic limp-curing serum and was also cured of the his limping disease, but instead of relying on synthetic blood like good guy Morbius does, Lucien/Milo goes the whole hog and starts murdering people for their actual blood.
Why real blood works longer where synthetic blood doesn't is never explained…even though a small line of dialogue reveals that synthetic blood is as good as real blood when it comes to life and death!
Anyway, the bad guy kidnaps the good guy's girlfriend, kills her, good guy and bad guy undergo a final battle where the good guy defeats the bad guy by…unleashing an army of bats…girlfriend turns out to be not really dead…Morbius escapes New York and is visited post-credits by some Spiderman-universe character I've never heard of and have zero care for, the end result of which is 90 minutes of my life I won't get back.
But yeah…this movie felt like a project that was forced upon the talent involved, as opposed to being a collective effort by people who have love for the genre and the art of movie making. The script is uneven, the pacing is uneven, the plot holes are gaping, and the CGI turned the visuals into a blue of colours and motion. Jared Leto and Matt Smith do OK in their roles with what they're given, I suppose.
The only high point I can credit this project with is that someone decided this movie will be roughly 90 minutes long, because I don't know if western civilisation could withstand this movie being a 2.5 hour marathon.
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